It prints, and prints, and prints, and prints

It doesn't jam, it doesn't chew your document, it doesn't return errors, it doesn't eject half printed pages, it's doesn't make a grinding noise and emit smoke. It never needs elaborate drivers, it never refuses to work with whatever weird or wonderful system you connect it to, it never prints gibberish, it never talks gibberish to an uncomprehending computer.

It works with DOS, it works with Windows, it works with Linux, it works with Atari, it works with RISCOS, it works with MacOS, it works with BSD, it works with Amiga. It works with everything.

It doesn't print colour, it won't scan your photos, it won't read the memory card from your Ixus, it won't print a 3D 16 million colour birthday card, it won't spew out ready made origami figures.

It prints documents, and it does it reliably, quickly and doesn't fret when you send a 300 page hieroglyphic manuscript to it. That's all I want.